I've been on this juicing tip for a few weeks now. I'd like to think it's been about 2 months but really that's an arbitrary number I made up. I am growing my passion for eating in a sustainable/"healthy" manner. I do still embrace the darkside of my being (drinking alcohol, eating steaks) but I am very much more aware of what I'm choosing to do.
My whole philosophy as of late is "If you know you're going to be bad, be good when you can." In reality, you can decide when you want to be "good" and when you want to be "bad". Realize that you are not perfect and do not beat yourself up for making the "bad" decision even when you know being "good" is the "right" answer.
Onto the on-goings of my life. I went to The Rock Church here in San Diego today for the first time with a few of my friends. My friend Diwata invited me along when she heard that I had rekindled my relationship with God. I haven't been to church in quite sometime and I felt this sense of anxiousness/anticipation. If I could describe it better if I could, sometimes our emotions are a unique bond with God that we cannot put into words and that's okay. Either way, I came away with a new insight into how the life of Jesus could have been so that was pretty cool.
On the way home, I was driving down Miramar and came to a group of stopped cars. The railroad crossing barrier was down. If I'm not being clear, this is what I'm talking about:
Now I waited for a bit and there were no trains to be had. I pulled over into a Burger King parking lot and chilled for a bit. Listening to classical music, I thought back to some 9 or so years ago. This had happened before. I had been trapped at a railroad barrier crossing before and recalled what I had done then. I knew if I waited for something to happen it would take a long time for it to happen. I got out of my car and walked to the malfunctioning barrier and I lifted it up. In the rain, I got out of my vehicle and lifted this thing up so that people could pass.
I knew deep down even if my car wasn't passing through that people would see that an ordinary person can take control of a situation and help out. I held up the barrier for as long as I could, taking breaks here and there between the waves of cars. A man approached and started helping out. I asked him if he was with the city or something and he replied that he was one of the first cars that passed through when I lifted it. Those words brought such elation to my heart. I asked him if he would be kind enough to keep helping until I got my car through. He agreed. I hopped back into my van and got passed the blockage.
I thought to myself, "Cool, I helped out and someone helped me out." I also thought that was enough but I, for whatever reason, compared myself to Jesus and decided that I would help more cars through. I parked my car near a Denny's and this time walked to the other side of traffic. I lifted up the barrier. This one was made out of wood so it was much lighter. If you ever find yourself in this situation, I suggest you test both barriers to see which one is lighter to make sure you are not expending your energy on the tougher option.
After that side cleared up, I went back to the original side I was on and held up the barrier to let more people through. I understand how if I was a driver reaping the benefits of a random stranger holding up this blockade, I would seize this moment as fast as I could. However, dear driver, you fucking splashed that puddle on me you fucking asshole. Here I am trying to do something nice and you just want to use it all up and fuck me over in the process. Believe me when I say, "FUCK YOU!" I forgive you though, maybe your baby was sick and you needed to rush there. Whatever. I don't do this expecting everyone to reciprocate. I just need to show the way to a few people and they will pass it on.
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